Sand Storm’s useful advice

My version of Bryan Appleyard’s version of Iain Dale’s meme "ten things I’d never do" has been satisfyingly picked up all over the place. But one set of answers is buried in the comments to my earlier post — I’d love to share them with a wider readership.

Step forward Steve of Sand Storm, whose list has the strong hint of variant "ten things I’d never do again". I am more than happy to take all of his advice. Thanks for the laugh, Steve, you are one of a kind. Have a chocolate on me.

"1 Yell "Hey look at that" when my brother in law is driving.
2 Let my brother in law drive.
3 Tell the 7’1" bouncer at Treasure Island Hotel in Las Vegas "ya you and what army".That arm is still sore.
4 Stick my tongue on the frost of a metal clothesline pole.
5 Paddle across a lake on an air mattress to see Tommy James and the Shondells.
6 Watch John Mellencamp in concert when he is so blitzed he couldn’t sing.
7 Put my face up to a cage that houses a Mandrill.
8 Slap the ol’ mare on the ass as we start riding downhill.
9 Tell the Mexican lady at the taco stand in L.A. that "I like it as hot as you can make it."
10 Drive the zodiac that close to a pod of Killer whales."

Steve’s list reminds me of the time when Nicky Hilton, one-time husband to Liz Taylor and of the Hilton hotel empire, was asked by an interviewer if he had any advice or words of wisdom to impart to the world. "Don’t hang the shower curtain outside the bath" came the response.

5 thoughts on “Sand Storm’s useful advice

  1. Don’t worry, Steve, Petrona has what is politely known as a “small but select” readership, so I think your hats will continue to fit fine — or at least they will if you solely rely on Petrona to be your publicity agent ;-).

  2. Oh, my — this is so funny. Stevie is right on about things not to do again. Another one is: Leave the turkey unattended on Thanksgiving in a house with pets. (On one occasion, we returned to the kitchen to see a cat neatly stripping off the breast meat; on another, in my childhood, our German shepherd was running wildly around the house with the entire bird in her mouth — she would NOT give it up and we saw a feral side of that fine dog rarely evinced before or after!)

  3. Yes, I like this idea of a list much better. I thought about the things I’d never do and every time I thought I’d thought of one it became a bit enticing and a part of me wanted to try it.

  4. Yes, like me with the make-up and jewelry, Clare! (Have not succumbed yet, though).
    Love the turkey anecdotes — I am sure that must have happened to me as a child as my mother always bought a huge turkey for christmas and left it out for days or what seemed like weeks after, on the kitchen table covered by a cloth. I am sure our cats would have been surreptitiously sharing with us.

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